


Marsh Mallow Wishes and Logan Dreams

by Irma66



Category: Veronica Mars (TV), Veronica Mars - All Media Types
Genre: AU from pre-show, Don't worry, F/M, I would never have V end up with the Donut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2019-12-26 17:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18286703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irma66/pseuds/Irma66
Summary: Veronica learns that the Marsh Mallow is more than just a sweet treat, and decides to try out its more unusual uses on her husband. Things don't really go as planned.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So here I am, with something new two weeks after the last posting. This is an odd one-shot for me...for one, I don't generally put Veronica with Duncan, even for a little while. Here though, I think we're dealing with the equivalent of pre-show Veronica and Duncan, who never endured all the canon drama that broke them up in high school. As you'll see, she couldn't escape her interest in Logan, but the need for normal brought her back to Duncan. However, as the tags assure you, I would never leave her with him. 
> 
> This piece came about as a result of an Instagram post, originating from @World_of_Magick and shared with the VM community by @redqueen095, about the uses for the plant, Marsh Mallow. While the listed uses in the post did inspire what follows, the method of use and any specifics are fully made up. My research was unsuccessful so any comments about non-toxicity in certain places is completely fabricated. In other words, don't take M'Beam's advice without further research of your own. You'll see what I mean.

Veronica was still sound asleep, flat on her stomach, spread into an X. For a tiny person, she took up a lot of room in their bed. With the coast clear, Duncan slid out from under the covers as quietly as possible, not wanting to disturb her before he could see…well…before he could check.

 

In the bathroom, he took a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling and scrunching his face tightly. “Not this morning, please,” he muttered, then looked down.

Crap. Third morning in a row. His flaccid penis had tiny black spots all over it, that were rough and loose as he took it in hand to do further inspection. Ugh. All over his nuts too. _What the actual fuck?_

Of course, he knew which actual fuck had done this. _Damn Madison Sinclair._ Why they’d bothered to go to the ten year high school reunion, he had no idea. Veronica hated nearly everyone in their class and the only real exceptions, Mac and Wallace, she saw fairly regularly without needing a Neptune High reunion to bring them together.  She’d argued long and hard against accepting the invitation, but his mom had insisted they come back to town when she heard about the reunion, and even though Veronica had threatened to make him go alone, eventually she’d caved.

And honestly, he wished she had stayed home. Because who else should decide to attend, but Logan? Logan Fucking Echolls, his once-upon-a-time best friend and the guy that Veronica almost ran off with in grad school, before Duncan convinced her that she’d never have a normal life with Logan. The reunion was supposed to be a good time, and the last thing Duncan needed was his wife watching Logan the whole night, but, tough shit, that’s what he got. Oh, except for the part where they danced. That was even worse. The look on Veronica’s face as she gazed up at fucking Logan, her arms loosely around his neck, Logan’s hands resting on her hips, that look is what drove him out of the ballroom and straight into Madison Sinclair.

The reunion wasn’t the first time he’d seen Madison.  She’d been working for the design company Kane Software used for renovations for several years, and somehow she got herself attached to decorating the Bay Area offices that he’d opened when Veronica refused to come back to Neptune after they graduated from Stanford. Madison had done pretty much everything short of taking her clothes off to entice him, making sure she was the one who’d decorated his office personally, bending over his desk to point out details on the plans in skirts that were barely there to begin with and got even shorter as she posed. 

He’d resisted the blatant come-ons, valiantly if he did say so himself, through all of that; he loved Veronica. Most guys wouldn’t have passed up that opportunity, but he wasn’t most guys and he wasn’t going to cheat on his wife. In fact, he’d made it a point to never even mention the presence of her old high school rival, in his office, nearly every day for months. Why bother her about it? But watching her look at Logan, with an expression that he’d never seen when she looked at him, he couldn’t take it anymore. When Madison had flounced in front of him out in the lobby, he’d stopped fighting fate. _It’s Veronica’s own fault,_ he thought, as he followed Madison into a unisex bathroom and banged her between the towel dispenser and the urinal.

But now, a few weeks later…every morning, this weird black stuff all over his junk…what had she given him? Some kind of crabs? It washed off, but it kept coming back. He needed to see a doctor and get rid of this. He couldn’t pass it onto Veronica; then she’d know. He had no illusions that infidelity would be something she could forgive, although he was confident that even if Madison told her, Veronica wouldn’t believe her. An STD though? That would be proof.

A knock on the door and Veronica’s muffled voice jarred him from his tortured thoughts. “Duncan, honey?”

“Uhh, yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

“Of course. I’m just getting in the shower.” He realized he was still clutching his penis in his hand and dropped it, grimacing at the black flecks all over his palm. He moved to the sink and rinsed them off. He didn’t want to spread whatever this was.

“Want company?”

“No!” He shook his head, irritated at himself for shouting at her. “I mean, no, I’m just going to be quick and then I’m going into the office.”

“It’s Saturday.”

“Got a lot of work, Veronica. Can’t be helped.” He turned the shower on. “Go back to bed, sweetheart. I’ll let you know before I leave.”

Duncan heard her sigh and then shuffle away from the door. He shook his head. He had to make a doctor’s appointment. Soon.

* * *

Veronica stopped to brush the loose black seeds out from between the sheets before she crawled back into bed. She should have known this was a stupid idea.

 

Seeing Logan at the reunion had apparently fried her brain if she was making choices like this. The jackass had actually tried to remind her how things were between them once upon a time.  And he’d actually made something of himself, so the fears that Duncan had preyed on when he convinced her that she needed to be with someone who was going to ‘buckle down’, it turned out that those fears were groundless. Truthfully, it could probably be said that Logan had made more of a mark than Duncan, since he hadn’t had his daddy’s business to join and his success was all his own.

_Knock it off, Veronica._ It wasn’t fair to Duncan to compare him to Logan. It wasn’t Duncan’s fault that his life had been mostly planned for him. It’s hard to get a fire in your belly to succeed when everything’s comfortable. Life had never been as comfortable for Logan, in spite of what most of the world thought about all the fame and fortune that had swirled around him continuously since birth.

He’d gotten to her though, as they danced, and he’d had the gall to ask her if she was truly happy with Duncan. If he made her feel how Logan used to make her feel. If he’d ever managed to make her…that was the point where she’d left him in the middle of the dance floor. Where did he get off talking about her sex life with her husband?

Of course, her husband had been nowhere to be found when she’d decided to storm away, so she’d had to cool off with Wallace and his crowd of jocks she didn’t know, to keep Logan from moving in on her again. Then, Duncan did show up and suddenly he wanted to leave. It was for the best anyway. Logan was still stalking around, giving her those ‘gimme a chance’ eyes that had worked on her a lifetime ago, but she was a married woman now, and despite what Logan might think, that was a real bond, and she wasn’t tempted by him anymore anyway. He wasn’t the only person capable of exciting her physically, okay, yes, he was the only person who had ever really excited her sexually, but she loved Duncan. Maybe he wasn’t a sexual dynamo, but he had other qualities.

But she could admit, to herself at least, that it was the thought of Logan that drove her to purchase the little bag of seeds. Not because he would ever need them, and certainly not with her, although who knew anyway, it had been three years since the last time they’d been…intimate, and maybe he did need them now. She’d heard that it happened to some guys, even at their age. Not Duncan, but he’d never been as…enthusiastic or frankly, interested, as Logan always had been. Duncan was more of a once every couple of weeks kinda guy, unlike Logan, who’d never missed any opportunity to get her naked and gasping and… _oh fuck, just knock it off, Veronica._

Of course, the whole thing was actually Mindy’s fault anyway. She was the reporter who Veronica worked with most frequently and she’d brought Veronica along on a research mission for a piece on alternative medicine and folk healing.  It wasn’t exactly investigative journalism, but at least she was working. Duncan had tried to convince her to stop, but she was pretty sure he understood now that that wasn’t going to happen.  Most everything she worked on with Mindy was fluff anyway, so it wasn’t like she was going to accidentally uncover corruption by any of his friends. Not that Duncan would have friends like that. His dad might, but not Duncan. 

_A week after the reunion, Veronica accompanied Mindy to a small spiritual and metaphysical supply shop in the heart of San Francisco. As Mindy questioned the shopkeeper with the highly dubious name of M’Beam_ (my given name is Moonbeam, but it’s so cliché) _on alternative medicines and a holistic approach to life, Veronica crept around the store, looking for interesting shots. There weren’t a lot that would look very exciting in a photo, but she’d found a little book with page after page of crazy things that different plants could supposedly do and had chanced on a page for a plant called a Marsh Mallow, something she’d never heard of before, but that made her laugh, since that was Wallace’s joking nickname for her. Learning what the Marsh Mallow could do made her laugh again._

Steep the flowers and leaves in oil and apply to your skin before astral traveling.

_I’ll be sure to do that, she thought._

Use for love spells and sex magick.

_Does it somehow become real if you give the word magic a strange spelling?_

Harvest seeds under a full moon to use for aphrodisiac oils and powders.

_Uh huh._

Seeds act as aphrodisiac when eaten by women.

_But only when harvested under a full moon of course._

Sprinkle seeds on a man’s genitals to increase his sexual appetite.

_That was the one that made her laugh out loud as she tried to picture Duncan sprinkling himself with seeds. She didn’t know what these seeds looked like specifically, but for some reason, the thought of Duncan with his privates covered in sunflower seeds kept recurring._

_“What do you find so amusing?” She jumped at the shopkeeper’s voice. She hadn’t heard Mindy and the rather odd woman approach._

_“I’m trying to decide if I know any guys who would sprinkle seeds on themselves to increase their sexual drive.”_

_“I highly doubt it,” Mindy said caustically. She said most things caustically, which is why she and Veronica got along so well. “Most men I know are pretty sure their drive is exactly where it should be. If you want less, you’re frigid. If you want more, you’re a slut. That’s why I mostly only fuck women these days.”_

_“Well, you'd need to_ feed _these seeds to your girlfriends,” Veronica informed her. “The pharmacist’s instructions are taken by mouth for women, sprinkled on the junk for men.”_

_Mindy shook her head. “Nah. I don’t date women who need to be chemically enhanced, even natural chemicals. And no guy I know would agree to sprinkle himself with something. Again, they all think they’re perfect already.”_

_Veronica considered the two men she’d actually had sex with in her life. She had to admit, Duncan was exactly what Mindy was describing. He would never agree that maybe there could be a little more kick in their sex life. Logan though, he probably would let her sprinkle him with whatever she wanted, and then he’d go down on her, and make her scream his name, before letting her climb on top of him and... She shook her head._ Knock it off, Veronica. Enhancing Logan would probably kill his partner. _She fought a grin._ Oh, but what a way to go.

_“Generally, the sprinkling is done surreptitiously, with ground seeds,” M’Beam said. “You’re largely correct about many men’s interest in being enhanced, so sometimes you have to resort to, a little silent assistance.”_

_“They don’t notice the ground seeds on themselves?” Veronica asked, skeptical._

_“If it works, no, probably not, and the seeds are not harmful when introduced to vaginal tissue.” Veronica blushed at what the woman was telling them. “If it doesn’t work, well, chances are the man isn’t going to notice before the powder falls off on its own.”_

_“Because he’s so sexually backward that he doesn’t even touch himself,” Mindy said, elbowing Veronica in the side. “Come on, get some.”_

_“What? No.”_

_“I know that husband of yours can’t be any kind of sexual powerhouse. You’re way too frustrated all the time to be getting any good action. Give it a try.”_

_Veronica gasped. “Mindy! Don’t talk about Duncan like that.”_

_“You are not denying it.”_

_“I wouldn’t dignify this with a denial.” She slammed the book closed, glaring. “Are you done with the interview? I want to get home.”_

_“Not to get any,” Mindy mumbled under her breath and M’Beam tittered a nervous laugh. Veronica glared again and Mindy held up a placating hand._

_“Look, I’m sorry, V, I went too far, as I often do.” Mindy made a face as she apologized, that made her look not as sorry as she probably should be.  “But come on, give it a try. I will if you will.” She threw her arm around Veronica’s shoulders. “I’m trying some of the other herbal supplements to see if they work for part of the story. Let’s try this one too.”_

_“It’s not right to drug someone secretly,” Veronica said, hoping that the moral high road might work when nothing else seemed to deter Mindy._

_“You don’t have to. Take it yourself if you’d rather. See if it increases your drive.”_

_“My drive is just fine.”_

_“And it’s not something that alters consciousness,” M’Beam added. “I fully concur with your reticence. I would never advocate for something that takes away someone’s free will.”_

_“Isn’t that what you’re doing with this stuff?” Veronica volleyed back. “If they aren’t interested in having sex, isn’t an aphrodisiac taking the decision out of their hands?”_

_“Not the decision itself. The powder just gives them a heightened interest. It doesn’t necessarily mean they act on that interest.”_

_“Come oooonnnnnn.” Mindy’s wheedling tone earned her another glare, but honestly, this was part of the reason Veronica liked working with her. She reminded her a little of Lilly, with her refusal to ever take no for an answer._

_“All right, fine. It wouldn’t hurt either of us if Duncan was…a little more avid, in the bedroom.”_

Don’t you mean a little more like Logan? _The voice in her head was really starting to piss her off._ No. Knock it off, Veronica.

_“That’s the spirit, V. We should never stop trying new things.”_

A week later, Veronica shook her head at how dumb this idea had been. She’d chosen Duncan, not Logan, so why all of a sudden was she trying to turn the man she married into the one she hadn’t? She flicked another bit of seed dust off the bed. This is just from seeing Logan again at the reunion.  She’d known it was a sucky idea to go there in the first place. She’s nearly talked Duncan out of it when Celeste got wind of a way to get her precious son back in the hellhole that was Neptune. All that had come of it was Logan in her head again, with those puppy dog eyes, trying to remind her why they were so good together. But life wasn’t just sex. It was responsibilities, and obligations, and the paths chosen. _Crap, that sounds grim_. It was about the people in her life too, and how to make them happy, and her happy as well. And she was happy. _Right?_

Duncan came out of the bathroom then, a towel around his waist, and his eyes widened at the sight of her, sitting up, leaning against the headboard. 

“I thought you were going back to sleep.”

“No. I’ve got some photos to print for a project with Mindy. I might as well get up.” She flipped the covers back and cringed at the sight of more of the seed powder on the sheets. She apparently hadn’t been very careful last night when she sprinkled the powder on the sleeping Duncan. She slid over to the side of the mattress, hoping he wouldn’t notice as she brushed it off.

“Veronica, no!” Her head snapped up as he darted toward her. “Don’t touch that.”

  _Shit._ “Duncan, I—”

“Dammit.” He grabbed the comforter and pulled it back over the loose dust. “Look, I’m so sorry.” He dropped onto the bed, basically holding the bedding in place over the evidence of her silly gameplaying.

“You’re sorry? Why are you sorry?”

“I…I didn’t mean for you to find out. It was just once and it really wasn’t my fault. I mean, you were dancing with Logan, and I just felt like—”

“Hang on.” Veronica pushed back to her original spot, putting some distance between them. “What are you talking about?

“You saw that black stuff.”

“Uh huh, but…”

“I was just going to get it taken care of. No need for you to find out and be upset. And I’ve been very careful not to do anything that could infect you too.” He looked at her sadly, his lower lip pouting out. “The last couple nights especially were hard. I felt like…” His voice trailed off.   

“You felt like what?” _Did this dumb stuff work after all?_

“Doesn’t matter. Look, I’m going to call the doctor. Whatever I’ve got, I’m sure some antibiotics will clear it right up.”

Veronica froze, not sure what she was hearing. “What do you mean? What do you have?”

“I don’t know. I can only guess it’s like some kind of crabs or something.”

_What the fuck? He thinks the black dust is coming from him?_ “Why would you have crabs, Duncan?”

“Look, I’m sorry, but it was just that one time, and it was Logan’s fault.”

“Logan gave you crabs?” _What the actual fuck?_

“Veronica!” He sounded scandalized. “I’m not into guys.”

She did not understand where the sense of calm came from, but she was grateful for it as she sorted through this mess. “Then who gave you crabs, Duncan? And how was it Logan’s fault?”

“You were watching him all night, and then you were dancing with him, and the way he looks at you...it’s not right that he should look at my wife like he’s in love with her. People will start talking.”

“So what, pray tell, did you do to get back at Logan for looking at me?”

He looked at her apprehensively, and she gave him an encouraging smile, then patted his hand. She really wanted to know what he did.

“If you hadn’t been looking at him…” He paused, like he was considering how much to try to blame her for whatever indiscretion he was trying to confess. “You know, we shouldn’t even have gone to that reunion.”

“I completely agree. Which is why I said that about a thousand times. But you wanted to go.”

“I didn’t expect Logan to show up.”

“What did you do while I danced with my ex-boyfriend, Duncan?”

“He’s my ex-friend.” _Now he wants to debate semantics?_

“True. An event that occurred around the time I started dating him, as I recall. Before you convinced me that he was unstable and untrustworthy and that I should come back to you.” She gave him a flat stare. She was done trying to charm the truth out of him. “So what did you do?”

“I had sex with Madison Sinclair, and she apparently gave me some STD, and now you’re going to leave me, and it’s all Logan’s damn fault.”

At Madison’s name, her mouth fell open, shock and disgust flooding her. At Logan’s name, it snapped shut, teeth knocking together sharply. She nodded, then flipped the covers back on her side of the bed and climbed out.

“Thank you for telling me,” she said as she went to her closet.

“Aren’t you mad?” he asked tentatively.

“Yes, but not as much as I would have expected.” She wriggled into a pair of underwear and then tugged jeans on over them. “It’s good that you shared this.”

He stood and walked toward her slowly. “Yeah. Honesty’s important in a relationship. We can get past this; I know we can.”

She grabbed a blouse and shrugged into it, not bothering with a bra. “Yeah, we’ll get past this. Not to worry.” She slipped her feet into her shoes, then turned toward him. “Get your antibiotics, Donut. I’ll be back for my stuff in a couple of days. I’ll let you know when, and then, please don’t be here.”

“Veronica, no!” He rushed at her then, hands outstretched, but she dodged him and grabbed her bag, then headed for the front door.  “Come on, Veronica, give me a chance.”

She stopped at the coat closet and grabbed her leather jacket. “You know what, I really do need to thank you, Duncan. You’ve made me realize something I’ve been trying not to admit for a long time.” She dropped her bag at her feet to pull the jacket on. “It has been Logan all along. That used to scare me, a lot, and when you tried to convince me he was a mistake for me, I let you, because it gave me an excuse to play things safe. But the last couple of years with you…they were the mistake. If he still wants me…I’m going to try to fix that. Convince him he didn’t make a mistake too, when he chose me.”

She grabbed her bag and spun for the door, but his voice stopped her.

“He’ll never make you happy, Veronica.”

She looked at Duncan and smiled. “I think you’re wrong, Duncan, and I’m willing to take that chance.”

* * *

“Hold your horses, I’m coming.”

 

Logan wasn’t sure who was at his door, but they were very insistent. He’d ignored the first knocks, not being particularly interested in company, but when it continued, he finally decided to answer it and cuss the pesky intruder out. That might make him feel better. His bad idea to attend his class reunion almost a month earlier had put him in a perpetual bad mood. _Knock it off, Logan, you know what’s got you in a bad mood_.

He flung the door open, ready to launch into a tirade, but he was stunned into silence at the sight of the source of his bad mood herself.   

“Hi,” Veronica said, and like magic, the bad mood lifted.

“Hi.” He couldn’t really move, but when she smiled, he reflexively smiled back.

“Any chance you’ll let me in?”

“Every chance in the world.”


	2. Chapter 2

Logan pushed the lever on the toaster down and turned back to the cappuccino machine. It may have been three years, but he remembered how much Veronica needed her caffeine in the morning. Although showing up out of the blue like this, first thing in the morning? Chances were good this wasn't her first coffee of the day, or even her first breakfast. It wouldn't be strange for her to be hungry even after an earlier meal; he remembered well how much food she could put away, and she was a pretty big fan of breakfast. Unfortunately, he really wasn't, so it was a minor miracle that he even had English muffins for her. He wasn't actually sure how long he'd had them if he was honest, but they weren't green and toasting made them hard anyway.

"Are you sure you don't need help?" The woman in question appeared in the door to his kitchen and he spun around to face her.

"Not really anything to help with," he responded. "When the toaster pops, I'm buttering the muffins. The coffee machine is doing its thing, and if you want anything more extravagant, we've gotta go out."

"No, no, I don't want to do that." Her mouth twisted and his gut reacted in kind. Of course she didn't want anyone to see them together and report back to Duncan. He couldn't blame her for that. He had no idea yet what she even wanted from him, but he was pretty sure that it didn't involve starting salacious rumors.

"So what are you guys doing in L.A.?" Logan asked. "You were just down this way last month for the reunion; it seems soon to be making another trip. I know you're not the biggest fan of Neptune." The toaster popped then and he moved back to butter the muffins.

"Umm." Veronica frowned and seemed to be searching for what to say. "We didn't come back to Neptune. I never need to go to Neptune again honestly. Since my dad moved up to Oregon, any ties that bind me there are completely dissolved. Thank God."

"I think Celeste might disagree," he said. "You can't think you can keep her baby boy away from her long term. She'll take a hit out on you."

Veronica laughed, and the hint of strangled hysteria he heard made him narrow his eyes. "You know, I think I've dodged that bullet."

He shook his head. "Don't trust that woman, Veronica. If she thinks that she can find a way to get rid of you, she will." Not for the first time he wished his mother would have been alive when he and Veronica were together. She would have loved her as a daughter-in-law, and maybe the difference in how she received Veronica as opposed to have Celeste did would have helped him make his case back in the day. He huffed in irritation. _Need your mommy to land the woman you love for you. No wonder she picked Duncan._

“Thanks for worrying about me, but I think I’m okay.” 

Veronica moved to the cappuccino maker and frowned at the multitude of buttons and lights. “This thing seems unnecessarily complex.” She gave him a sideways glance. “Can you make it give up its bounty? I’ll finish with the English muffins.”

“No need.” He came up beside her and handed her a plate. “You take these, I’ll deal with the caffeine, and we’ll meet in the living room. Okay?”

“Excellent,” she said with a smile, stretching up on her toes to kiss his cheek before taking the plate and pivoting away and out of the kitchen. He stood frozen for a moment, his cheek burning from the touch of her lips.

“What are you doing here, Veronica?” he mumbled under his breath as he finished with the coffees. 

When he walked into the living room, a cup in each hand, she was sitting in the center of the sectional couch, cross-legged, looking around the room. When her eyes fell on him, she smiled. "I really like this room." She jerked her head toward a shelf of photographs. "I always loved that picture of you and your mom."

He handed her one of the cups, set the other on the coffee table, and moved over to the shelf, picking up the photo.  He studied it for a moment, then put it down and came back to the couch, dropping on the cushion beside her. "We were at—:"

"I remember where you were," Veronica interrupted. "DId you think I would forget?" 

He didn't answer as he stared at her like he'd been looking at the photo a moment earlier. She must have thought he didn't believe her, because she began, "You were eight and she was doing a play in New York. You lived with her for the six weeks of—"

"Why are you here, Veronica?"

As many times as he'd played this scenario out in his head, Veronica at his door out of the blue, it had never gone like this. He'd imagined her leaping into his arms and them fucking like bunnies. He'd imagined himself ordering her to leave and not come back. He'd imagined her begging him to give her another chance. Sometimes he imagined all of those things happening in the same encounter. He'd never imagined her just coming in and starting to chat. 

"Well, I was in town, and wanted to see you." She sipped her coffee. "At the reunion, you asked if I thought about us anymore, so I thought it sounded like you'd be willing to see me. At the door, I asked if there was a chance you'd let me in—"

"And I said every chance in the world, yes, I remember. But you've been here for twenty minutes and I'm starting to wonder if I made a mistake." He moved the empty plate from the cushion next to her, placing it next to his untouched coffee. "Have you come to take a lovah, Veronica?" he asked in his best Southern drawl. 

"Not exactly." He could practically see her brain working as she stared at him, then she seemed to come to a conclusion. "I think you’re right, I shouldn't have come here like this." She stretched her legs back to the floor and started to rise, but he pushed her back.

"Why don't you let me decide that?" he suggested. "Who knows? Maybe I'll be into this, whatever this is. Duncan was my friend once, so I'm not sure I'm able to help you cheat on him, but I'm notoriously weak where you're concerned, so I'm not sure I won’t." 

"It's not going to come to that, Logan, don't worry." She reached for his hand. "I'm sorry that I didn't believe in us three years ago. That was the biggest mistake of my life and I'm sorry. Whatever else happens, I really want you to know that."

He scooted closer, then turned her hand up, tracing the lines of her palm. "So not believing in us was your biggest mistake. Where does marrying Duncan fall in your hierarchy of poor choices?"

She chuckled and shook her head. "Well, they’re tied together pretty tightly, both those actions. I’m not sure they can be viewed separately.”

“I don’t know about that. Saying no to me didn’t default to yes to him. You could have dumped us both.”

“I do see what you’re saying, but back then, it didn’t feel like that.” She looked away from him, staring out the window. “Looking at them separately... I don’t know if one is worse than the other. It feels like they're just one giant fuck-up. There've obviously been plenty of bad choices to go around in my life, but that whole thing, dumping you and marrying Duncan...that really does surpass everything else."

Logan nodded thoughtfully. "I think you may have forgotten about those NSYNC jeans in eighth grade."

Veronica’s gaze shot back to him, mouth open in surprise, then she burst into laughter, pulling her hand free of his to smack him in the chest. "You were just jealous they didn't make them for boys."

"Hey, if I was going to wear jeans with JT on them, do you really think I'd care about how they were cut?"

They both laughed uproariously, and Logan used the break in intensity to grab his coffee and push into the corner of the couch away from Veronica. He needed more information about what was going on with her before he threw caution to the wind and pulled his heart out of his chest and tried to hand it to her again, so distance seemed like his friend.

"Okay, I think we're agreed that not everyone views their, or other’s, mistakes the same," she said with a smirk. "And it doesn't matter anyway. The important thing is that I need you to know how sorry I am that I hurt you."

"Umm, thanks." He held the cup up to his mouth, peering down into it and breathing in the steam so he didn't have to keep eye contact. "So is that why you're here? Apologizing for preferring Duncan? You could have texted that." 

"Logan." Her voice sounded chiding. "You think I preferred Duncan?

His head jerked up and he glared at her, disbelieving. "Are you fucking serious right now? As you so eloquently put it a minute ago, you dumped me and married him. And now you're trying to tell me you didn't actually prefer him?" He jumped up, slamming his cup on the table. "You know what? We're done here."

"No, no, no, no, no, Logan, please." Veronica was beside him in an instant, her hands grasping for his arms, but he tugged free, hands flailing to keep her off him. She took a step back, holding her hands up in a placating gesture, her face almost agonized.  "I'm sorry, that was an irresponsible thing to say. Please forgive me for that. I am so sorry. Please, can we sit again? I want us to talk this through." She took another step back, hands still outstretched. "Please, Logan, Please let me stay. Please talk to me. I'm so sorry."

"Do not pull that bullshit on me, Veronica. I love you, but I'm not going to let you pretend that you didn't choose Duncan instead of me." He spun away, unable to watch her looking so sad in response to his words. Yes, everything he was saying was a hundred percent true, but it tore at his insides to see the pain on her face. 

"Do you still? Love me?"

"Oh, Jesus.” He threw his hands up, then braced them against a wall to keep himself from collapsing. “Just stop."

"No, I just want to know. Do you still love me?" She was suddenly pressed against his back, hands on his arms again, head resting between his shoulder blades. "Tell me the truth."

“I have never told you anything else.” He spun back to face her. “I told you back then that I loved you and it wasn’t enough. Why does it matter now? Decided you can fit us both into your life? Respectable marriage with the PC guy and tawdry affair with the not-quite-so-appropriate one?” 

She took a step back at his aggression, and Logan followed, crowding her back against the couch. “Is that what you came here for, Veronica? Need a good fuck and you figured it was easier with me instead of having to break in someone new?”

She had curled into herself, arms crossed protectively over her chest _(over her heart)_ , and her face was anguished as he railed at her, but at his last statement, she straightened her shoulders again and her face hardened. 

“You were never a tawdry affair, Logan. Ever. I loved you too, but I was afraid of how that felt. After everything with my parents, I thought I needed stability, you know? Something steady and normal. I felt too much with you to trust that it could last.”

Logan slumped onto the couch, suddenly exhausted. He still had no idea what she wanted from him and he was afraid of what he was going to agree to. He'd already known he would do pretty much anything she suggested; he knew that when he began to plead with her as they danced at the reunion. Now though, especially after hearing her say she loved him, something he'd never heard her say directly, he could relate to her saying she’d been afraid of how she’d felt about him, because right now, he was terrified at the thought of how much of himself he would sacrifice for even a small piece of her.

"Logan?" Her voice was hesitant and he shook his head. 

"I don't want to fight with you, Veronica. Why don't you just tell me why you're here." She started to sit beside him, but he waved her off. "No, I think I'm better off with you over there." She rolled her eyes but dropped back into the corner of the couch and pulled her legs under her. "Okay, so again, what are you doing here?"

She peered at his face, brows furrowed into a worried 'V', the edges of her mouth pulled down. "It's just...I've been thinking about you...for a while, since the reunion...and before." She practically whispered the last two words. "There was...something happened...and I realized..." She stopped abruptly.

"What happened?"

She shook her head. "It doesn't matter. I don't want you thinking that it's what got me thinking about us again. It makes this sound like a rebound thing."

Logan huffed out a long sigh. "So Duncan showed himself to be unworthy, and you're here to pick something up with me, and you don't want it to sound like a rebound thing." He chuckled.  "News flash, sweet cheeks. This is the definition of rebound."

She nodded. "Yeah, I see how it would look like that." Veronica stood, grabbing her bag off the floor next to her. Logan started to struggle up but she moved next to him and put her hand on his shoulder, then leaned down to kiss the top of his head. "Don't get up; I can find the door."

"Veronica, no, don't leave. If rebound's what you've got, I'll take it. Or if tawdry affair's what you've got to give, I'll take that. Whatever you're offering, I want it." He wrapped his arm around her hips, pulling her to him. "Please," he whispered and her bag thumped to the floor again as she hugged his head against her torso, pressing her lips to the top of his head. 

"No, rebound's not what I've got, and not a tawdry affair either. But I don't want you or anyone else thinking that's all you are." Her words were muffled against his hair and he tugged her more tightly against him, afraid to let go. "I think I probably shouldn't have come here, not until I'm settled enough to come to you without the baggage of my bad choices. But at least you know, right? If I kept quiet, who knows, maybe you'd find the love of your life while I'm straightening out my shit."

"I found her a while ago, Veronica. And I want her now." He wrapped his other arm around her and rested his forehead on the swell of her breast. "Stay with me."

"I can't." She edged back and tucked her fingers under his chin, tipping his head back to look up at her. "You're not my rebound, but I need to make sure that's clear. So I'm going to go." She wriggled free of his grasp and took a step away. "I think I've got some stuff to do before I can just come back and push my way into your life."

"You don't have to prove anything to me, Veronica." He stood and grabbed for her hand. "You don't. I just want you."

"And you can have me. But not today." She stretched up and kissed his cheek. "I think I'm going to Europe in a couple of days. My writing partner and I fell into an opportunity for a story and I'm going to tell her that I'll go. Gives Duncan some time to finalize the divorce—"

"What?"

"—and when I'm back, maybe we can have dinner. Would that be okay?"

"Divorce?" He caught her free hand in his. "Duncan's divorcing you?"

"Well, yeah, I mean, yeah, but I told him to. And I told him he was the one who had to establish the residency in Guam, or the Dominican Republic, or wherever he jetted off to yesterday; I'm not even sure. All I cared about was that he went." She smiled up at him. "So Duncan becomes a resident of somewhere tropical, I get to spend a month touring Europe, and you get to figure out if I'm worth upending your life over."

"You are. I already know that." He shuffled closer to her, both hands now clutching hers.

“I’m glad you think so, but while I'm gone, really make sure that’s the best answer for you. You’ve made a good life for yourself. You need to be sure there’s a place for me. If there’s not...” Her gaze shifted away from his and her lips pursed.

“There is,” he insisted, “there absolutely is. There’s always been a hole in my life without you.” He leaned in, pressing his forehead to hers and her eyes moved back to lock on hers. “Please don’t go.”

“I have to.” She shook free and took a full step back, but never looked away. “I need to show everyone, including myself, that I can be something on my own. And beyond that, I don’t want anyone thinking I only picked you because I couldn’t have Duncan anymore. I want them all to know that you’re who I want...who I love.”

Logan crossed the short distance between them in an instant, his hands cupping her face as he bent to kiss her fiercely. To his surprise, she threw herself into the kiss as well, clutching his neck as she kissed him back. He spun them back toward the couch, collapsing onto it with her straddling his lap, running his fingers into her hair, then down her back, before stroking up her spine under her shirt. She broke free of the kiss then, laughing, and he began to kiss down her neck, stopping to suck gently on her collar bone. She gasped, then laughed again, and moved her hands to his chest, pushing up and away from him.  

"No, no, Logan, stop." 

He released her immediately, hands held up in surrender, as she rose to her feet. "I'm so sorry, Veronica. I didn't mean—"

"No, don't apologize. It was fine." She blushed, the pink making her already flushed cheeks rosy. Her shoulders rose and fell rapidly with her breathing as she tugged at her clothes. "More than fine actually. I wanted that too. You don't even know how much."

"Then why did we stop?" he asked, reaching for her again.

"Remember that part about waiting?" She poked his hand away.  "That's why we stopped."

"But, Veronica," he whined, and because he wasn't above a little guilt if necessary, he squirmed and pulled at his pants legs, making a show of readjusting himself. When all she did was laugh again, he huffed and made a show of glaring up at her. 

"Gotta go," she sang out, pivoting quickly, grabbing for her bag again. "I've gotta get in touch with Mindy and tell her the trip's a go. I think we'll probably fly out in the next couple of days, and be gone for maybe a month. Something like that. When we're back, if it's okay with you—" She stopped and looked at him again, her cheeks flushing once more. "—maybe we can do dinner? Talk about...us? If you're still interested at least."

"Are you serious?" He stood up and shook his head at her. "If I'm still interested?"

"Well, I mean, I hope..."

"I'll still be interested, Veronica," he said, eyes rolling. "We could have been a hundred years old before you came back, and I would still have been interested."

"That seems a little extreme."

"A hundred, Veronica. Trust me." He moved close to her again and cupped her cheek. "So, can we talk while you're off bugging Europeans? Text?"

She leaned into his palm. "I think that would be okay. But no jetting after me. I'm going to get out of here without losing my clothes, but if you catch up with me in some romantic European destination, I'm afraid all of my resolve might go away."

He grinned. "Is that somehow supposed to discourage me?"

"Do what I say, Logan."

"Okay." He kissed the top of her head. "But you better answer my calls. Or else I might just show up in Paris to track you down."

"I'll answer." She wrapped her arms around his waist, hugging him tightly, her cheek against his chest. "Promise."

"And will you tell me why the sudden divorce? Not that I'm opposed, but I feel like there's some stuff to talk over." He felt her nod against him and then she pushed free again. 

"This'll be good. That way we can talk without a bunch of interruptions." Veronica smiled at him and turned for the door.

"Who's going to interrupt us?"

She choked out a laugh, shaking her head as she continued to walk away. "Umm, mostly? You."

"Are you saying I'm a distraction?" he teased as he followed.

"No, I most definitely am not," she replied, smirking over her shoulder at him. "Your ego does not need the boost." She opened the door and stepped outside, turning back to face him. "Thanks for letting me in today, Logan."

He leaned against the doorjamb, smiling as he watched her. "Eh, I guess." Her mouth fell open in surprise and he laughed. "No changing your mind, Sugarpuss. I expect to hear from you, and soon."

"Oh!" She pulled her phone out of her pocket, poking at it with one finger. "Do you have a new phone number?" 

Logan shook his head. "Nope. Same one that's in your phone right now."

"You seem pretty confident that I still have it," she said, her eyes sparking at him. 

"I am. So call me right now so I have your new number." She chuckled and he raised his eyebrows. "Same number?" She nodded. "Okay, then." He pushed upright and moved toward her, catching her hand and giving her one final kiss.  "Come back to me."

"Always."


End file.
